Something New!

I am feeling the need for a change.  I don't know what.  I want to do something crazy and different, something unexpected.  I didn't think I'd be this girl, but I want that change that can sink into my skin.  A tattoo would be amazing, but probably a really horrible idea, given I'm an acting major.  possibly another peircing.  One of my friends is chopping all of her hair off, which made me think....what if I dyed it red or something? Gah. I don't know.  I want to reinvent myself, somehow.  I feel so trapped inside my skin lately.  it's like a horrible, itchy feeling of being the same old, same old, of just holding in everything.  I want an escape.  i feel stuck. Something has to change.....let me ponder it a little longer. don't worry, I'll let you know. Also....I'm feeling a new blog or website soon.  Fashion related?  Ooo.  Maybe just feeling inspired will help.

New Beginnings

Welp. Yea.  This year has been quite the learning experience.  I guess it takes such a vast life change as college to make you realize what you're doing wrong in your life.  I am realizing something so scary.  It hit me a couple weeks ago, and it's starting to fill me with that weird kind of dread/excited feeling. I realized that I don't really know who I am. I mean, obviously, that's a stupid, broad statement.  but there's some truth in it, and that really freaks me out.  I guess a better definition is: I know who I am, when I am around the people who have supported me for years and years.  I am the nice one, the good girl, the loyal one, the one who will do pretty much whatever is asked of her.  I'm the driven one, the lucky one who knows exactly what she wants to do with her life.  I'm the one who is dedicated to the things she loves.  I'm the girlfriend.  The best friend.  The bookish one.
      And now, I'm thousands of miles from what I was.  and I have to figure out....what, of these things previously listed, changes?  I've already noticed a shift in many of them.  For example, now that I've reached the goal of seven years of fighting--my BFA program for acting at school--what in the hell am I planning to do with it?  Where am I going with that? Hell if I know.
      I know there are several things I don't want to be--for one, I'm sick of being the girl who is walked all over.  Fuck that. No more.  Just because I'm not gonna be a bitch back to you, doesn't mean you can treat me however you want.  see, college is helping! Kind of. 
     This winter break is the craziest thing.  I am seeing people who I was so close to, and wondering....how did I let them talk to me like they do?  Some relationships are crumbling.  others are getting even stronger.  and there is a part of me that loves lapsing back into the comfort of having things "the way they should be"....and a part of me that yearns to be back at school, where I pave the way for my life.  Whatever that is.
     I hope I'm learning.  I know I'm growing.  I wish this could all be simpler.